fantasticmuse: Shocking (Default)
What a fucking weird night.

I have had a raging case of insomnia. I'd fall asleep for twenty minutes, then wake up and be WIDE awake for three hours. Lather, rinse, repeat for the rest of the night.

I feel fucked up beyond belief.
fantasticmuse: Shocking (Default)
I'm seriously feeling like shit. Good vibes would be appreciated.
fantasticmuse: Shocking (Default)
Oh, I cannot find a person in the world who understands me, today. *yawns* Suddenly I feel about fourteen years old.

I'll tell you, I'm thinking about friendslocking or even private locking this whole journal and closing up shop. Anyone know a code that could help me do that?

I'd still read flist and everything... I am just not sure what to do.

Getting more sleep, probably, would be a wise idea.
fantasticmuse: Shocking (Liv Tyler)
The song that defines my life right now? "I Never" by Rilo Kiley.

I have been struggling to stay on my meds for the past few days. This is bad because my blood sugar is going to be fucked beyond all reason if I don't shape up. Sigh.

Tonight I feel plagued by insecurities, quite a contrast to last night's ambition. I'm fretting about this job business. I think this is caused by 80% insecurity and 20% thinking too damn much. The whatifs as Shel Silverstein would call them.

On the other hand, I'm re-reading "Monstrous Regiment" and that's always a delight.

And my iTunes has been doing its best to console me, playing "Strength, Courage, Wisdom" and "Safe and Sound" one after another without any prompting from me. *pets the iTunes oracle* Sometimes music's all you have, really.
fantasticmuse: Shocking (Liv Tyler)
Today is one of those days where I just can't win. I'm cranky for no discernible reason, work was filled with suck, my stomach's hurting again after a fairly good month or so, The Boy is being irritating...

And also, I have been working on a cover letter for nigh on three weeks now and have gotten approximately nowhere. I can't do this, guys, I just can't. :/ Why can't they just look at my resume and then call me for an interview. I'm -great- at interviews. I am lame at cover letters.

Anybody know how to write the damn things? Everything I type sounds juvenile at best and simpering and stupid at worst.

Baaaaaaaah, grumpy.

I want to take a couple hours off from the world and read a book in my bed, but I really have to get this cover letter done and everything sent. I'm running out of time.

ETA: I fucking finished it, I am awesome. But you know what is -not- awesome? Livejournal. We're gonna have to see how this shit goes down, people, because it's getting to a level of nasty I hadn't anticipated.
fantasticmuse: Shocking (Blue)
When I came home yesterday, my mom was vaguely horrified. She didn't say anything, but I could tell by the look in her eyes. When I went to bed last night, I looked in the mirror, really looked, and realized why.

I look like I haven't slept in a week. My eyes are sunken in and I've lost weight (not through healthy reasons, I'll tell you that).

Read more... )

Should you like to, you can chose to believe the above is just me being emo. I'm already vaguely embarrassed that I've even written such a thing. I suppose that means that this catharsis thing probably has something going for it.
fantasticmuse: Shocking (Default)
Oh, god.

You know it's bad when it feels like Connor Oberst is SPEAKING DIRECTLY TO YOU.

Christ. How do I get myself into this, huh?
fantasticmuse: Shocking (Default)
Coming up on the end of a strange, strange week.

My mood improves and then sinks again minutes apart. I think it's tiring for my poor friends who have to deal with me not at my very best. I know it's tiring for me.

The days have been short and cold. -18 degrees F last night, when we went to Applebee's for a friend's birthday.

Apologies to anyone I've been moody with.

*hides for a few more days*
fantasticmuse: Shocking (Default)
Oh, horrid fits of moodiness. Back and forth and up and down every five minutes. Can't tell if it's hormonal, S.A.D. related or just regular old crazy.

I am thinking it's a bit of each. So, as much sun as possible tomorrow and a call to the free clinic to get more birth control.

Possibly this is tmi, but possibly I don't care.
fantasticmuse: Shocking (Default)
*throws a huge temper tantrum and runs away from livejournal home*

fantasticmuse: Shocking (Default)
I... I didn't really expect this, this time around. I'm so ready to leave, but...

I only have one final left, then I pack up the car.

I keep running into people who are graduating. =( I'm gonna miss them so bad! Angela, Ashlie, Tyson, Joanna. Man, oh man.

Well. Enough of that. Gotta study for history.
fantasticmuse: Shocking (Default)
Hey, guess what I'm doing.

No really, guess.

Yup! Another fucking paper.

At least this one's only three pages.
fantasticmuse: Shocking (Default)
Well, that's the last time I do that.

*sigh* Things never change, do they?

Cryptic, because I haven't been in a while.

I really should do this stupid paper. But I just want to get away from this place and go home.
fantasticmuse: Shocking (Default)
Okay, the countdown has begun. Four days of classes, four days of finals. Eight total.

Holy lord. I'm doing research most of this week, for my paper. And next week is finals. So I'm not going to be around much, in case you hadn't already guessed that. Um.

I gotta go do homework. Bye.
fantasticmuse: Shocking (Default)
Rage has dissapated. Somewhat.

Talked to my Autumn, that helped. But it reminds me...

Yesterday I went to a storytelling workshop. We were told to think of something we'd lost and given five minutes to think of our story.

It was really interesting.

Yeah. The boy's on the phone. Gonna try not to cry.

I want to go home.
fantasticmuse: Shocking (cranky!elijah)
PMSing. Hardcore.

I hate all of you. Yes, all of you. Except for the part where I don't and I'm just pissed off at RL people.

*cleansing scream of RAGE*


Clearly, I am the most important person and you should all attend to me.

*sigh* Forgive me. Just needed a pressure release. Some people surely will be the death of me.
fantasticmuse: Shocking (smile like you mean it)
(Whatever it was... I think it may have snapped. I don't want to jinx anything because I'm likely to go back to feeling bad. But. That horrid dark cloud that's followed me for almost... nine months, holy shit... it's gone. I feel like doing things, starting with revising some never-posted fic and letting people see it. I feel like thinking again. I feel like I can enjoy school again. Please, by all that's holy, let it last. Let it last.

Please, let it last.)

I realize I'm often vauge on this journal and it's hard to tell what's really going on with me. I've been having a bad year, on the whole- just general feelings of ick. And I think they may be starting to fade.

So to celebrate, a series of squee. Darcy wanted Sky Captain squee and everyone else wanted squee/rant, so she gets hers first.

Why I love Sky Captain, also known as Hey! Look at all that shiny! )
fantasticmuse: Shocking (Default)
Am considering this weekend a sabbatical. I'm not going to see people unless I have to, I'm only doing things I want to do, not letting anyone else talk me into other things.

If I want to see my brother's play two nights in a row and hang out at my house sleeping the rest of the time, I'm damn well gonna.

I need a break.

That being said, I'm not going to be around much for a while. I've been having a lot of RL issues lately and I just need a lot of time to do some soul-searching.

I really like this song.
fantasticmuse: Shocking (darkest hour)

Well, I think I finally fucked it up too badly to be repaired. Shit.


And now for those who want clarification. I'm changing schools, I think. I've been thinking about it for some time now and I just...

I'm not being challenged enough here. And for some reason that's just beyond me, my best friends have decided that instead of talking about whatever is a problem, we just insinuate and snipe and make snide comments and why won't anyone fight with me, goddammit?

For real. I don't get it. No one here has a good, honest to god argument. I don't understand what's wrong with fighting? I am just dying to argue with someone, to get mad and scream and maybe break some shit. But no, apparently that's not acceptable. Fuckers.

ANYWAY. How's life for everyone else? I see that first line meme is running around. Anyone interested in taking a look at mine? Could be fun.


fantasticmuse: Shocking (Default)

July 2013



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