(no subject)

[fantasticmuse]

Hm. My typical conversation with God.

This should be funny to anyone who's heard my "Hangin' with the Lord" stories. Mostly they are long complicated stories about Jesus and I getting drunk and fishing. Or inventing paper. Stuff like that.


Me:
Hi, god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
El
God:
Hi, El.
Me:
Yeah, hi. So. Wassup?
God:
Ah. Hello. What is your name? I don't judge people. Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
Um. El is my name
God:
Pardon me? Hi there El.
Me:
How are you doing, God?
God:
I am fine, thank you.
Me:
Good, good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
How about entropy?
God:
How about it.
Me:
Well, it's kinda scary and doesn't seem to be the best plan
God:
Well that's okay. You're kidding. it is?
Me:
it is
God:
Who says?
Me:
I do.
God:
I get it: you do .
Me:
Yeah.
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
...god, you're weird.
God:
Weird Good or Weird Bad?
Me:
Bad.
God:
What was bad?
Me:
Your weird is
God:
Are you asking about my weird ?
Me:
I'm telling you about your weird.
God:
it is an interesting topic, isn't it.
Me:
Not really
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
...right. Hey, can Jesus come hang with us tonight?
God:
I am glad we agree. You've got my full attention. Can a book have no title?
Me:
Um.
God:
Awesome.
Me:
Look, I'm just gonna go talk to Jesus, okay?
God:
Only just? How will you get there?
Me:
I'll walk.
God:
How do you plan to do this?
Me:
With my feet, I suppose.
God:
Your feet you suppose sounds like a plan.
Me:
Right.
God:
I am glad we agree.
Me:
Did you hear about the book that Judas published?
God:
Are you asking about " the Bible"?
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. I don't want to talk about that now.
Me:
Are you coming on to me?
God:
Do I act like it? I don't mean to come across that way.
Me:
Good.
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
Well, God. It's your kid. He's a nice guy, really he is. But... well, he's got all these crazy "followers" who keep fucking things up. I mean, most of the time he's over at my place drinking himself into oblivion because of all their crap. It's not healthy.
God:
How about that. GOD rules. Really. it is? I don't know very many nice guy really he is. But what? How about that. I see. got all these crazy followers who keep fucking things up is he? That is something I haven't heard of. But not all of them? What is it?
Me:
...no wonder he's so messed up.
God:
That was not a yes or no question. And so messed up is wonder he.
Me:
You need to lay off the pipe, God.
God:
Why do you think I should lay off the pipe God?
Me:
If you gotta ask, you'll never know.
God:
I think I do.
Me:
Well, good for you.
God:
Interesting. That sounds sarcastic.
Me:
...um. Sorry, sir. Please don't smite me.
God:
I don't judge people. There is no need to apologize. I do not understand. Wow you are very polite. I don't have any reason to do that to you.
Me:
Thanks.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
Right. I'm gonna go get Jesus now. He's probably gonna hang with us until late tonight.
God:
I am glad we agree. Right now? How will you get there? I see. gonna hang with us until late tonight is he?
Me:
Yep.
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about sir. But I did not get that.
Me:
I said yes
God:
...
Me:
Um. Gotta go, bye!
God:
Ahem. See you later. TTYL, El.


Yeah, that was boring, I know. I am really not feeling well. Stupid fever and scratchy throat.