Things that have been said in my prescence.

Boy: ...and they weren't ordinary kazoos, they were finely crafted kazoos!
Papa: The Stradivarius of kazoos.


Ma: YOU ARE MY CHILDREN. YOU WILL LAUGH AT WHAT I LAUGH AT.



The phone at Sophie's: *rings*
Sophie: Damn. It's John[her husband], I'm sure.
Ma: If my husband called me as much as John calls you, I'd kill him!
Sophie, on the phone: Just a minute. *covers the phone and laughs for five minutes*
Ma: What?
Sophie: *deadpan* It's your husband.
Ma: ...